It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
