I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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