Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
