I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
