I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
