My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
