Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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