note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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