Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
