i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
