Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
