I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Operation Purity has been aborted
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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