look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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