his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize