i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
