My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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