My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
