we were pretty classy up until the second keg
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it's great music for shaving your balls
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
