I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
