if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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