I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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