Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We left the knife in your bed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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