So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
