I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
