smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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