i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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