Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
