Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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