i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
