I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
