I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love having hate sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
