Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
