some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
