got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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