I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
