sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
