I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
