Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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