put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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