Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
