Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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