I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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