coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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