I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
