I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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