booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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