I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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