My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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