At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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