I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
