you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
