I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
