So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
