I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
