I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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