4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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