I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
