Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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