She said her name was "party"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
