he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This toilet bowl is my home.
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