You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
