I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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