He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your cock deserves a montage
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
