erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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