I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
