where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
