im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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