I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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