going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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