so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
